a page of sexual issues

I must confess that most of my sexual experience is second-hand. I have been engaged twice but never managed to get married. As a fairly conventional Christian this has restricted my sex life a great deal, as has my environmental position as a pro-nuclear greenie. In fact when I was an undergraduate studying Philosophy (logic mainly) the one thing all my female friends agreed on was that I was worryingly deluded in some way or other. But that’s another story.

But I have had many friends richly blessed or badly hurt or a bit of both (mostly) by their experiences, as have I been but not as intensely as many. And I have heard many of their stories. Why would a date-rape seek victim naive little me out for help rather than a sympathetic female ear? But that’s another story too.

This story is about good sex. Actually, I’m arrogant enough to say, this is about the best sex. I hope you find it helpful.

And sex is a good thing. Even the Bible says that. In fact it says quite explicitly that human sex is for fun, not just for reproduction. But that’s another story too.

One of my friends years ago said that she had heard that when the two (heterosexual) partners reached climax at the same time, it was a fantastic experience. She had not experienced it at that stage and we are not now close enough for me to ask whether she has, although I am hopeful. She was very happily married last I heard.

(I do not wish in any way to disparage gay or lesbian sex, or even masturbation or even threesomes etc.. I even suspect that these same observations may well apply to same-sex partners. But again, those are other stories. I am strongly heterosexual myself. But I note that Coretta King called marriage equality a human rights issue and I am inclined to agree.)

The more I hear on the subject, the more I am convinced that she is right. But even more interesting, I think I know how people achieve it.

It is very simple. The male partner, it seems to me, gets more fun out of knowing the pleasure he is giving his partner than he does out of his own climax. Or at least, potentially he does. Men who take this attitude make the best lovers by far. They may not be the most successful in getting women into bed… that’s another story too!… But they are by far the most fun when they do.

Oh, it takes all sorts. Some women (and men) actually take pleasure in being abused. But this is about good sex. I don’t think bondage and masochism qualify, and sadism certainly doesn’t… although to each his own. Dave Allen had a wonderful comedy piece that explored that a little… spoiler coming… at the end, with the sadist having tied up the masochist and playing with a large whip, the masochist pleads “Aren’t you going to hit me with that?” and the sadist says cruelly “No”.

I can speak less authoritatively about female fun of course, but it seems to me that the same applies. A woman, ideally, gets more pleasure out of knowing she is being enjoyed than out of any gymnastics that her girlie bits may do. They are both good fun. But as with many human interactions, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Put together a couple both of them with that attitude, and the result is explosive.